Demensions

Physics concerns me. By physics, I mean all matters having to do with the fundamental building blocks of what we call the universe. and how they work. Is the matter that I am made of "me" in any cosmic sense? After I'm converted into dirt (or less likely, ashes), do I have an ownership of that? I'm really only concerned with the brain. The rest of the dead body is garbage. When my brain decomposes and is turned into dirt, do any of those properties that defined myself still exist within it? Should that be kept in a jar or dispersed? Will I awake a subjective instant later, or am I facing eternity right now?

The only comfort I have is a lack of self love. I don't mean it in any dramatic sense. I'm not so repulsed by what I am individually as by what the maximum for human beings is. As much as I hate myself, I think I hate others more, with a few notable exceptions.

I don't want to live forever. I really don't. Only the panicked animal response, selected for and refined by my dna, craves eternal life and reproduction. This whole thing is, after all, an accident. Each and every human being behaves as if what they do at any given moment will in someway effect the end result. We quite literally live as if we're not going to die, even though it's a certainty beyond all certainties.